Humor Quotes

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"Getting in trouble is half the fun."

"Laughter brings families together."

"I try to find humor even in difficult times."

"The two sweetest words in the English language: 'De-fault.'"

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

"Release the attack dogs! Oh wait, I already did."

"Laughter is the sound of the weak."

"I have a soft spot in my heart. I had it surgically removed."

"The greatest invention since sliced bread is sliced bread's ability to make profit."

"Humor is tragedy bent at just the right angle."

"D'oh!"

"I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's!"

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"Stupid Flanders!"

"Why is there bacon in the soap?"

"The fingers you have used to dial are too fat."

"Here's to alcohol, the source of all my problems."

"Stop, stop, he's already dead!"

"Marge, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires."

"Trying is the first step toward failure."

"You know what they put on French fries in Holland?"

"I've never tried anything before, and I'm not about to start now."

"Woo-hoo! Marijuana!"

"I'm so drunk, I think I'm seeing double. Two Marge's!"

"I take the couch."

"Why does everything I whip leave a scar?"

"Remember, you're the law and I'm the law."

"That barrel had a shirt on it? I never noticed!"