Humor Quotes

"All right, let's not panic. I'll think of a lie."

"Why is Lisa out of bed, Bobby?"

"Thank you and good night!"

"The lesson is: never try."

"Just 'cause I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."

"I'm in the top two percent of dunces!"

"I'm like a fireman, except instead of putting out fires, I start them."

"I could never be the president, I'm too lazy."

"I'm going to kill Flanders!"

"Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!"

"If God didn't want me to eat in church, he wouldn't have made Church taste so good."

"That's hot!"

"This is the best plan ever devised."

"These is fancy!"

"That's a sweet lemon."

"Why can't I be smart and handsome?"

"I've found that humor helps us get through the tough times."

"Humor is a sign of intelligence and perspective."

"Why use words when a mallet works just fine?"

"Laughter is the best medicine—unless it's at someone's expense."

"Eat my shorts!"

"Ay caramba!"

"Cool story, bro."

"I'd trade my soul for a donut."

"Time to die, man."

"I've got no money, no car, and no prospects."

"This is lame, dude."

"That's totally bogus!"

"Why you always gotta be bustin' my chops?"

"Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth!"