Humor Quotes

"Take my job, please!"

"Life is best lived with a sense of humor."

"That's three sheets to the wind and illegal."

"Sweet lion of Zion!"

"I've always been more of a talker than a walker."

"Laughter is medicine for the weary soul."

"That's crazy, man. That's just crazy."

"Humor helps you get through the hard times."

"Bite my shiny metal ass!"

"Robbery! That's what I love about this century."

"I'm my own grampa!"

"Humor is my defense mechanism against feeling sad about being a robot."

"Humor is simply tragedy plus time, and I have very little of either."

"I approach each day with dread and low expectations. I'm rarely disappointed."

"D'oh!"

"I have misplaced my pants."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Just kidding, I don't care."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals."

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fla-aming."

"You don't have to be smart to be loud."

"Squeaky toy in the shower. Squeaky toy on the toilet. Squeaky toy by the bed."

"Let me think... Is there a word between baby and sucks? Baby... sucks?"

"I'm not a bad influence; I just provide the opportunity."

"The first rule of Patty's Patch: You don't talk about Patty's Patch."

"All right, brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

"You know, Marge, for years I thought the state was after me. It turns out it was just the garbage man."

"The code doesn't say I can't do it. The code doesn't say I CAN'T do it."

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"Your mother is overweight."

"You're the man now, dog."