Humor Quotes

"I'm not dumb, I'm just selective about the information I retain."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"

"I have a really good idea. What if we all just... stopped thinking?"

"That's the beauty of it, man. I don't have to think."

"I'm gonna go back to bed now."

"Wait, is this a trick question?"

"That's stupid. Why would you do that?"

"I'm not listening, I'm just waiting for my turn to talk."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm pretty sure I'm right."

"That makes no sense whatsoever."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that."

"You know what would be cool? If I was cool."

"I have no idea what's going on."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and I've heard myself talk."

"I'm thinking with my stomach."

"Wait, so you're telling me that's not how it works?"

"I have a confession - I have no confessions."

"That's so profound, I don't understand it at all."

"If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous."

"That's a good question... I don't have a good answer."

"I'm gonna go with my gut feeling, even though my gut is usually wrong."

"I have all the answers - they're just not right."

"You can't argue with stupid - trust me, I've tried."

"I think I just confused myself."

"That's the most logical thing I've ever said."

"I don't need to think about it - my mind is already made up."

"You know what's great about being me? Absolutely nothing."

"I'm gonna say something smart... nope, can't do it."

"That's a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in stupidity."

"I'm on a journey of self-discovery - mostly discovering I'm an idiot."