Humor Quotes

"That's so crazy it might just work... or it won't."

"I believe in myself - unfortunately."

"You know what I value most? Nachos."

"That's the kind of thinking that gets you nowhere - and I'm proof."

"I'm gonna go do something productive - like watch TV."

"That makes sense to me, which means it's probably wrong."

"You're all my favorites, and I'm going to destroy you."

"You're all idiots. Especially you."

"I'm not racist, I'm just better than everyone."

"Nights like these remind me why I don't go out at night."

"I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"That's not a compliment where I come from."

"Age is just a number, and a very high one in my case."

"That's offensive, and I should know."

"I'm not listening, but continue."

"I've got more money than sense, which is saying something."

"That's the dumbest thing I've heard all week."

"I've made worse decisions than this."

"I've paid for better entertainment than this."

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"The world is a sitcom waiting to happen."

"I'm going to be honest with you, I love the smell of my own farts."

"I'm like a 12-year-old girl at a One Direction concert."

"I've learned that laughter is the best medicine."

"I'm not racist, I'm just better than people."

"I've never been wrong, I've just been premature with my opinions."

"I'm going to be like Han Solo - cool and detached."

"I don't do drama. Well, I do drama, but not the bad kind."

"I'm not a moron. I know what queers are."