Humor Quotes

"I've got a jar of dirt!"

"Why does everyone want to kill me?"

"That would be me."

"I'm a man of principles, however flexible they may be."

"Never trust a man who doesn't smile."

"Humor masks weakness."

"Oh my stars and garters!"

"Laughter is the best medicine for the soul"

"Sometimes you have to laugh so you don't cry"

"That's the most stupid thing I ever heard."

"Humor helps us get through the toughest times."

"Laughter is medicine for the soul."

"Why is the rum always gone?"

"I've got a jar of dirt!"

"I'm a magnificent bastard, mate."

"I've never met a problem I couldn't drink my way out of."

"You're being a real meathead about this whole thing, Gloria."

"I think I'm dying. Send for a doctor immediately!"

"I can't stand it when someone cries over spilled milk. Unless it's my milk."

"The world is full of problems, and I want to help solve them. But I'm a dog. So instead, I'll just nap."

"Why do you think I wear my ears pinned back? To hear better? No, I'm trying to escape."

"Good grief! I can't do anything right."

"I wonder what it's like to be one of the cool dogs."

"The world doesn't revolve around you. But if you're lucky, it revolves around me."

"I've never met a mailman I couldn't dislike."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm the only intelligent being in the world."

"I'd like to help make the world a better place, but I'm too busy sleeping."

"I'm not lazy. I'm energy efficient."

"Why worry about tomorrow when today is already so complicated?"

"I believe in the power of positive thinking. So I think positively that I don't have to do anything."