Humor Quotes

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

"Humor is the shield of the intelligent."

"I know what you're thinking. 'Did she fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kind of lost track myself."

"Whoa."

"Humor masks pain."

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

"I'm having an old friend for dinner."

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

"Somewhere in a basement far below, someone is still wearing your last shower"

"I am a big bear."

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."

"Top 8 reasons you're getting your ass kicked."

"Humor is the weapon of those who cannot kill you today."

"Humor is the weapon of the intelligent against the mundane."

"Humor is how we survive the darkness we encounter."

"Humor is a defense against despair."

"Don't you ever again go into a kitchen and cook."

"You know what I like about you? Nothing."

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

"Never trust a man who doesn't drink."

"Deliver me from Swedish furniture."

"Maybe we should have a telegraph pole up the ass."

"Do you know what a duvet is? It's a comforter with a blanket on the outside. A comforter is already a blanket."

"I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner."

"It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

"Behind every successful man there is a woman, and behind her is his wife."

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

"That's a nice surprise, isn't it?"

"That's show business."