Humor Quotes

"I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road."

"I don't believe in astrology. I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical."

"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have a broken leg."

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion."

"The worst time to be a pessimist is when you're also broke."

"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a picture of another little boy on the mantelpiece."

"Drinking vodka is like playing the little bald man inside my head."

"Life is like a Chevy Chase - sometimes you just hit your head against the wall."

"I think people need to laugh more - it's medicine for the soul."

"I believe that laughter is the best response to life's absurdity."

"The more you laugh, the less you have to cry."

"Comedy is a way to tell the truth without people getting too angry."

"Comedy is not pretty. It's about finding truth in the absurd."

"The best humor punches up, never down."

"Life is too short to be serious all the time. You have to have fun."

"Never underestimate the power of making someone laugh."

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."

"Humor is the salve for life's deepest wounds."

"Comedy is a serious business, but you can't take yourself too seriously doing it."

"I value people who can laugh at themselves and their circumstances."

"I'm not a big fan of the beach. I don't like sand in my food or my shorts."

"Laughter is the best medicine, especially when life isn't fair."

"Your sense of humor can get you through almost anything."

"Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else."

"An onion can make people cry, but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."

"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat."

"Everything humorous is subconsciously tragic."

"The problem with political jokes is they get elected."

"The trouble with practical jokes is that they are liable to break down and become practical facts."