Humor Quotes

"The best comedy reflects the reality of human experience."

"The greatest comedy comes from examining our own flaws."

"Humor is how we survive difficult truths."

"I'm an equal opportunity offender."

"If you don't have something nice to say, come sit next to me."

"I don't believe in dying. It's been done."

"You have to laugh at yourself before anyone else does."

"Don't take life too seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway."

"The best way to be funny is to stop trying so hard."

"As long as you keep laughing, you're never really in trouble."

"I think it's important to laugh."

"Humor is truth."

"Find humor in everything."

"Laughter heals."

"I discovered that if you're going to be a bore, you might as well be a successful bore."

"The most important thing in life is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made."

"You don't know how funny you can be until you've had to be funny under pressure."

"A good joke is like a good magic trick—it's all in the timing."

"If you're going to fake your way through life, at least be consistent about it."

"I don't get no respect, no respect at all."

"My wife, I told her she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

"I joined the Boy Scouts, but I quit when I realized they wanted me to earn badges."

"I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do."

"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Then I told her to stop looking so surprised."

"My wife and I went back to the hotel where we were married. We had to ask the manager for a key."

"I'm so ugly, my wife can't even look at me when we're making love. She has to look at the wall."

"My wife wanted a dog. So I brought her a mirror."

"My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts eating."