Humor Quotes

"Eating raw onions is a regrettable choice at any hour of the day."

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone."

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, unless you're a cardiologist."

"Don't call me an icon. Call me outstanding in my field."

"We spend most of our time communicating about communication."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"The secret to a good life is to laugh at yourself before anyone else gets the chance."

"The comedy of life is that we're all just making it up as we go."

"I've been called a lot of things, but at least I'm honest about being a wise guy."

"The best insult is one delivered with a smile and genuine affection underneath."

"The best comedy comes from a place of genuine observation and truth."

"Laughter is the best medicine for the soul and the mind."

"If you want to get an audience, you've got to have them laughing at least every thirty seconds."

"The only thing that separates us from animals is our ability to complain about how much we have to pay for our drinks."

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."

"I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe."

"I know nothing about being a straight man. I'm not a straight man, and I've never played one on television."

"I'm from Nebraska. What do you expect? Someone has to be from there."

"I believe that man is here to entertain himself until he dies."

"Humor is the best medicine for the soul."

"Comedy is when you fall into an open manhole and break your leg. Tragedy is when I cut my finger."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. But I can tell you a joke about it."

"Humor is the best medicine, even better than medicine."

"Humor is a mirror that reflects the absurdities of life."

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."

"The world needs more laughter and less judgment."

"Humor is how we survive and thrive together."

"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."