Humor Quotes

"Laughter is the universal language of joy."

"You know what the problem is? People take themselves too seriously. Life's too short for that nonsense."

"Don't take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."

"Beauty fades, but a good sense of humor? That's forever."

"Liberals feel unworthy of the beauty of the world—for this reason the wise created strip classes."

"I've been a spectator all my life—that's what got me into trouble."

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your younger sisters will think they're men."

"There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insincere about it."

"The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really mad."

"We seem to be running out of things to satirize."

"Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it."

"The country is being run by people who have absolutely no sense of humor."

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would come into my neighborhood after dark."

"The more serious the situation becomes, the less serious I become."

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

"I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm sure that whatever it is, we'll screw it up."

"I don't write satire anymore because reality has beaten me to the punch."

"You know what they call a goofy guy like me in the mortuary business? A very good business prospect."

"Comedy is like music. It's got rhythm and timing."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."

"It's better to laugh than cry."

"The world needs laughter."

"I try not to take myself too seriously."

"Comedy is about observation."

"I try to see the humor in everything."

"The secret to comedy is timing and the willingness to look foolish."

"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be dead now, and nobody knows how to turn it off."

"If I had known what trouble you were going to be, I would have remained a virgin."

"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?"

"The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures."