Humor Quotes

"Laughter echoes in the soul long after the joke is forgotten"

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."

"When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better."

"I only read two kinds of books—thick ones and thin ones."

"Love thy neighbor, but don't get caught."

"Give a man a free hand and he'll try to put it all over you."

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution."

"Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from."

"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day—and another in case it doesn't rain."

"It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean."

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."

"A hard man is good to find."

"Men want one thing—and the wonderful thing is that I want it too."

"It's a good thing I don't have to work for a living."

"Men are all the same—except for the ones you've met."

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but a girl's best friends are diamonds."

"I'm a big believer in being open-minded; my mind is so open it sometimes falls out."

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby."

"Flattery is my favorite form of criticism."

"I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do."

"I only have 'yes' men around me. What would happen if I said 'no'?"

"I feel like a million tonight—but one-dollar bills."

"I never take life too seriously; after all, nobody gets out alive."

"I've been on more laps than a napkin."

"I always say that a successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend."

"I believe everything I read in the papers—it's the only way to be truly happy."

"I'm a woman of principle. My principle is: make money."

"I've been through it all, baby. I'm Mother Teresa in a negligee."

"Critics are eunuchs in a harem; they know how it is done, they just can't do it."

"I'd join the Women's Lib movement, but I don't have the time."