Humor Quotes

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."

"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

"Comedy is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

"I never knew what happiness was until I married, and then it was too late."

"I've never met a person I didn't like, except when they asked me to work for free."

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis, and I don't deserve that either."

"If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people."

"I would not do Cwm without an audible laugh somewhere."

"A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles."

"Give me my privacy, and nobody will ever have to know that I'm stingy."

"Laughter is the best medicine—though I'd still see a doctor if I were you."

"If you're going to be broke, you might as well be broke with style."

"A good joke is like a good friend—it never gets old."

"A laugh is the shortest distance between two people."

"Great comedy comes from honesty and vulnerability."

"The secret to staying young is to have a young sense of humor."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."

"The world needs more laughter and less anger."

"The power of laughter can heal wounds that medicine cannot."

"The best revenge is success and a good sense of humor."

"Time heals all wounds, but laughter heals them faster."

"The power of a good joke is that it brings people together."

"I've never taken myself too seriously, which is why I've lasted so long."

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

"Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad."

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."

"A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink."

"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch."

"Golf is a game played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out doing something else."