Humor Quotes

"People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first."

"One day you read about all the people who died from smoking, and the next day you want a whipping boy."

"I think we take ourselves too seriously and the things that really matter not seriously enough."

"Humor is how we cope with the hardest truths."

"Humor is the best medicine for the soul."

"Humor helps us see life's absurdities clearly."

"Humor is one of life's greatest gifts."

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity."

"Humor is how we survive what would otherwise break us."

"Humor is truth told slant, with a wink and a smile."

"Humor is one of humanity's greatest gifts."

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."

"Guns don't kill people. People kill people. And monkeys kill people too—if they have guns."

"Most advice is unwarranted and usually given by people who are too dumb themselves."

"I never understood why people take life so seriously—it's not like we're going to get out of it alive."

"Most of us die from a disease called life. It's terminal."

"I think women are much better than men at multi-tasking, except men are better at ignoring things."

"I believe in getting up early, and I usually do. I just don't do it often."

"I try not to give advice unless someone asks for it, and then I feel bad because they didn't ask."

"The only thing worse than having a bad memory is not remembering it."

"The American custom of tipping was invented by the devil."

"Humor is the weapon of the powerless."

"Life is too short to be serious all the time."

"I'm not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"A good laugh is better than any medicine."

"Laughter is the best medicine for the soul."

"Humor is the best defense against despair."

"Laughter connects us all."

"Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God."