Humor Quotes

"I think what's happened is that comedy has become too cynical."

"Life is better when you laugh more."

"Laughter is the best remedy for almost anything that ails you."

"Never underestimate the power of a good joke and a kind word."

"The best revenge is living well and laughing harder."

"I went to the library and asked the librarian, 'Do you have any books about paranoia?' She whispered, 'They're right behind you...'"

"I'm not addicted to cocaine, I just like the way it smells."

"Comedy is just truth told in a funny way. That's all it is."

"The greatest gift is the ability to laugh at yourself."

"Laughter is the best medicine because it lets you escape for a moment."

"The only thing that grows by leaps and bounds is trouble."

"The foolish man sees a branch fall and considers it a sign; the wise man sees the branch fall and continues on."

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."

"The greatest gift is the ability to make someone laugh from their soul."

"Trying to be funny is almost a form of madness, and I kind of love it."

"The best revenge is massive success and a great sense of humor."

"A good sense of humor can get you through almost anything."

"Humor is a way of coping with what makes us uncomfortable."

"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

"Have you ever noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to f*** in the first place?"

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"It's never just a game when you're winning."

"You know the good thing about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?"

"The only time to eat diet foods is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."

"Think of all the stupid things you've done in your life. God, I'm exhausted."

"Everyday, I beat myself up. Sometimes I have to go to the hospital."

"Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few years they were using the fish to feed themselves."