Humor Quotes

"A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter."

"Yadda yadda yadda."

"The fact that we're all just making this up as we go along is hilarious."

"I think humor is the best way to deal with the difficult parts of life."

"I've always believed that if you can make someone laugh, you've given them a gift."

"A TV guide is basically a permission slip to watch television."

"The coffee is just so bad when it's bad."

"Why do they call it a 'pair of pants' when it's just one thing?"

"Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is laugh at your own situation."

"Comedy is really about timing and knowing your audience, but mostly it's about being willing to look foolish."

"The worst thing you can do is take yourself too seriously."

"Everybody want to talk about how many women I've been with, but nobody wants to talk about how many men I've beaten."

"Comedy is about telling the truth in the most entertaining way possible."

"I love America more than any other country. This may not mean much but today, I saw somebody eating a taco with a spoon."

"I take the show very seriously, which is why I can make fun of it."

"Every person has a story worth listening to."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."

"A good joke is like a good marriage—timing is everything."

"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."

"You have to be able to laugh at yourself before anyone else can."

"Humor is how we cope with the unbearable."

"You know, I'm just trying to make people laugh and have a good time while doing it."

"Comedy is all about timing and understanding human nature."

"I think laughter is the best medicine, and I'm just trying to help people feel better."

"Sometimes it snows in April, sometimes you just gotta laugh at life's timing"

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her"

"If you really want to torture me, sit in silence next to me in a car"

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now. We don't know where she is"

"Laughter is infectious"

"You're looking at me like I'm crazy"