Humor Quotes

"The funniest thing about that is that I wasn't even trying to be funny."

"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."

"The world needs more laughter and less judgment."

"A good sense of humor is a sign of intelligence."

"Humor is a coping mechanism for pain."

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."

"Swimming is a confusing sport because sometimes you do it for fun, and sometimes you do it to not die. Which one is it?"

"Frogs have a nice life I think. Sitting on a lily pad smoking some bugs, just relaxing."

"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions."

"Have you ever noticed that the alphabet goes from A to Z? That's because there's a conspiracy to keep the letters from organizing!"

"If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole plane made out of that stuff?"

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued mostly dark tonight turning to widespread light in the morning."

"Personally, I'm waiting for candid camera to show up in my life any minute now."

"The real problem with reality is the lack of background music."

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it."

"Have you ever wondered why we need a holiday to celebrate our mothers? We should be killing them the rest of the year."

"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created everything, most will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, they have to touch it."

"The word 'proactive' can be calmly replaced by the word 'annoying'."

"I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are."

"Stupidity is not a handicap, it's a way of life."

"I like talking about myself in the third person."

"I think therefore I ham."

"The world needs more laughter and less judgment."

"I think the best part about my job is making people laugh."

"Don't take yourself too seriously. Nobody else does."

"Humor is the best medicine."

"Laughter is healing and connects us all."

"I believe in the power of laughter."

"The greatest gift is making someone laugh."

"The world needs more laughter and joy."