Humor Quotes

"We're all pretty crazy in some way or another."

"Humor is the spice of life and the remedy for despair."

"The world needs more laughter and less judgment from everyone."

"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it"

"Without humor, life would be insufferable"

"The ability to laugh is what makes the human being capable of coping with anything"

"If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything."

"I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time."

"What's the difference between a beautiful woman and a plain one? Time, effort, and twenty-five hundred dollars."

"If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?"

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend."

"I think I made every blooper in the book."

"I've been used on a calendar, but never to plan anything."

"Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, 'on one hand, on the other hand.'"

"Whenever a fellow tells me he's bipartisan, I know he's going to vote against me."

"I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark."

"I have found out that there are only two things necessary in life: one is bowel movement and the other is persistence."

"I haven't the foggiest idea what the President is talking about."

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting."

"I forget more than most people ever know."

"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress."

"How do you know if you're a conservative? Ask yourself."

"I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience."

"The ship of state is the only ship that leaks from the top."

"Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours."

"One hundred nations in the UN have not agreed with each other on anything that I can think of."

"I'm not smart enough to be a liberal."

"The tenth greatest threat to American security is the national media."

"Humor is the best medicine when life becomes too serious."