Humor Quotes

"Laughter is the best medicine because it reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously."

"Laughter without thought is frivolous; thought without laughter is burdensome."

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

"Even as a child, I did not understand laughter."

"Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain."

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."

"Whenever a fellow tells me he's bipartisan, I know he's going to vote against me."

"Any man who has had the job I've had and didn't have a sense of humor wouldn't still be here."

"If I hadn't been President of the United States, I probably would have ended up a piano player in a brothel."

"I don't care what they say about me as long as they don't say I'm crazy."

"I've been on a calendar, but never on time."

"It always strikes me as funny that actors are the last people to know anything."

"A man might prefer a woman in a fur coat. It's weaker than preferring her without it."

"If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty."

"I like to feel blonde all over."

"I'm tired of playing roles that require me to wear a bra."

"What do you do when you get lonely? You get drunk and you call people."

"Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I'm the only person standing between Richard Nixon and the White House."

"No one has ever accused me of being reticent."

"Status quo, you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in.'"

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

"The most terrifying thing anyone can say is: I'm from the media and I'm here to help."

"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them past some of our modern committees."

"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: if it moves, tax it; if it keeps moving, regulate it."

"Some people wonder all their lives if they've made a difference. The CIA don't have that problem."

"If you've seen one redwood tree, you've seen them all."

"Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age."

"I've got to tell you something - I never go anywhere without my purse."

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh."