Humor Quotes

"I'm bored with that line. It's much too long."

"Gee, what a nice thought."

"Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up."

"Someone said that Farrah Fawcett-Majors didn't do much in her early movies."

"I raise my glass to the frivolous, the drunk, and the miserable."

"I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things learned how to swim."

"I love the smell of asparagus with hollandaise sauce."

"God is gastronomically religious."

"The difference between a madman and me is that I am not mad; I am merely eccentric."

"When you are mad, you behave as you are mad; when you are sane, you behave as you must."

"When I die, it will be a shame that the world loses my perspective."

"I'm bored with that line. It's funny how people repeat it."

"Gee, I'd like to be reincarnated as Warren Beatty's hairbrush."

"I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors about myself."

"I'd rather watch TV and eat."

"I never read the book, but I saw the movie, and it was great."

"I like to contradict myself just to be interesting."

"My mind is like a tape recorder with some buttons missing."

"I never lost my mind, it's still in a bottle somewhere."

"Carma is a very bad word."

"The only surrealism is in my eyebrows."

"I would rather cry in a Mercedes than laugh in a bus."

"Carrots are much more important than people."

"I love my fellow creatures - when they are dead or in oils."

"I would like to be reincarnated as a Rolls-Royce."

"I am glad I am not a woman; if I were, I would get myself constantly pregnant."

"If you think Pop Art is laughable, we're on the same side."

"I want to do something goofy and dumb."

"The acquisition of my collection was sometimes a disease."

"I realize that if I keep this up, I'll end up naked in the streets."