Humor Quotes

"I'm not denying that women are foolish; God Almighty made them to match the men."

"The more I see of men, the more I like dogs."

"Rosy cheeks speak well for a woman, but not so well as they do for a peach."

"The most irritating of all conceivable companions is a man who talks of himself."

"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow."

"Laughter is the best medicine for the weary soul."

"Humor helps us endure suffering."

"Laughter in dark times is defiance."

"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."

"Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough."

"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."

"I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me."

"When you cannot get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one."

"Christmas is forced upon a reluctant and disgusted nation by the shopkeepers and the press."

"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."

"I can resist everything except temptation."

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

"The only thing I don't like about Christmas is that you can't eat turkey again for a year."

"I like to do all the talking myself. It saves time and prevents arguments."

"Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everybody in good society holds exactly the same opinion."

"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."

"I never put off till tomorrow what I can possibly do—the day after."

"I don't mind dreadful poverty, as long as it is honest."

"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's."

"Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities."

"I can forgive Alfred Lord Tennyson for anything, even his poetry."

"To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

"One should never make one's debut with a scandal. One should reserve that to give an interest to one's old age."

"I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."