Humor Quotes

"I'm not fat, I'm big-boned."

"I've succeeded in doing absolutely nothing."

"I'm not ignoring you, I'm just thinking about lunch."

"The world would be better if everyone was like me."

"I'm not slow, I'm just thorough."

"That's quite humorous."

"I'm a goofy goober, yeah!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm fully booked. I have to alphabetize my spice rack."

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"Laughter is the best medicine for any day."

"Humor reminds us not to take darkness too seriously."

"Humor is the antidote to despair."

"Hey, why did the worm cross the road? To get to the other side of the dirt!"

"Humor is the best medicine - trust me, I've tested this theory extensively."

"Why did the magpie become a philosopher? 'Cause we're naturally drawn to shiny ideas!"

"A laugh a day keeps the grump away!"

"That's what I love about these people - they're so stupid."

"Nothing funny has ever happened to me."

"Humor is the last refuge of the intelligent and miserable."

"Oh my, yes."

"Dear me."

"Isn't that nice."

"Oh dear, oh dear."

"How very, very sad."

"How wonderfully sad."

"Yet I smile."

"I'm screwy, you're screwy, everybody's screwy! That's what makes life fun!"

"Humor is the only thing that makes sense in a senseless world!"

"Life's a joke, and I'm the punchline!"

"Why be serious when you could be hilarious instead?"