Humor Quotes

"I have this terrible feeling I've written a book that's far too long."

"I think fish are underrated; they're always getting a bad press."

"The god of tits and wine"

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"

"I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle"

"My favorite Vogon poem was that one you recited just then"

"I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side"

"I could murder a cup of tea"

"Avoid reincarnation"

"Perhaps you could try hitting it"

"I drink and I know things."

"I'm pretty much f***ed."

"I'm in a f***ing habitat on Mars. And they've sent me a f***ing horse."

"I'm definitely going to die here."

"I guess you could call it a 'Martian thank you.'"

"One problem: I'm still going to die."

"It's not a tumor!"

"That's what I do. I drink and I know things."

"Flying is easy. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss"

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen"

"You're a jerk, Dent"

"Go stick your head in a pig"

"Take me to your leader"

"That's funny, that's really funny"

"You know what they call a Robot with depression?"

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer"

"The lights are on but there's no one home"

"When you're alone on Mars, any meal that's not a Thanksgiving dinner is just food."

"What's the worst that could happen? I'm already on Mars."

"My plans are rapidly becoming more insane."