Humor Quotes

"That's what I do. I drink and I know things."

"The implied sex is always better than the deed."

"The real problem is that he's boring"

"Women are like monkeys"

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

"Ah, this is clearly some strange usage of the word 'safe' I was previously unaware of."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paraell Universe J?"

"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

"This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like the passengers in his car."

"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish."

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen."

"This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"

"Humor lightens even the darkest burdens"

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen."

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."

"There's nothing like a cup of tea for making your problems seem cosmically trivial."

"If I ever meet myself coming back the other way, I'll probably give myself a very useful kick up the backside."

"I think the problem may have been that you were dead."

"I drink and I know things"

"I'm brain dead, man."

"I drink and I know things."

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen."

"I refuse to answer that on the grounds that I don't know the answer."

"I'm so depressed."

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen."