Humor Quotes

"You're a jerk, Dent"

"Algernon was always smarter than me. At least she had an excuse when she failed."

"These pretzels are making me thirsty."

"It's unpleasantly like being drunk."

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen."

"I am the most incurably lazy devil that ever lived."

"I never remember faces. It is the second most useful thing in my profession."

"I cannot agree with those who rank modesty among the virtues."

"The red-headed men of Great Britain were much agitated by this announcement."

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen."

"Would you like me to sit in the corner and think about what I've done?"

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Pram 5?"

"Why does it always have to be spaceships?"

"Now, Watson, you do not propose to eat anymore?"

"There is a grim humor in the situation that suggests this is not merely a casual matter."

"I may be a sorry case, but I don't write jokes in base thirteen."

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."

"You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with nothing but a cup of tea and a biscuit, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me."

"A cup of tea would be very welcome."

"If it tastes like this I'm not staying."

"He's mad as a comet."

"There is humor even in tragedy, if one looks for it"

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

"I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner."

"It is a curious thing that religious people never laugh at themselves."

"Grown-ups love figures"

"I'm being paid by Western Electric to die."

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."

"Grown-ups love figures."