Homer Simpson

"If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Just kidding, I don't care."

"Trying is the first step toward failure."

"I'm not a bad guy, I'm just a guy who does bad stuff."

"Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain."

"Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals."

"As long as I'm eating, no one can talk to me."

"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter besides occasionally stopping me from saying dumb things?"

"Responsible fishing is leaving enough fish to breed."

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fla-aming."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

"I'm in love with the crunchy, munchy, candy-wand-cookie!"

"If Bart had feelings, he'd be hurt by that."

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

"Marge, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires!"

"I'm not a bad person, I just don't care."

"Donuts is the sincerest form of love."

"I want to share something with you: the fact that you're a bad person."

"Kids are the best, aren't they Lenny? Lenny? Oh, he's gone."

"This is the greatest thing I've ever tasted!"

"I'm looking for adventure in the great wide somewhere."

"You don't have to be smart to be loud."

"That's it, I'm going to Disneyland!"

"Squeaky toy in the shower. Squeaky toy on the toilet. Squeaky toy by the bed."

"I'm a stupid man doing stupid things for stupid reasons."

"If only I had a gun... Oh wait, I do."

"I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to work."

"The lessons of life are many and varied, mostly painful and devastating."