"I don't need friends, I have a TV"Humor
"You are my greatest adventure"Love
"I'm not dumb. I'm just smart in different ways"Knowledge
"The power of love will heal all wounds"Love
"I need my cell phone back. My friends need to think I'm popular"Humor
"I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was"Change
"The greatest thing about working at the nuclear power plant is the job security"Work
"I am the greatest dad"
"Nothing you say can upset me. I'm on the Internet"Humor
"I'm not normally a drinking man, but when I am, I'm the best"Humor
"I value my family more than a little blue dot on the map"Family
"The real prize is being with the ones you love"Family
"Sweet mother of donuts!"Humor
"I want the world to know I love my wife"Love
"Responsible for each other. That's what family means"Family
"I'm not a bad guy. I'm just shaped that way"
"The only way to solve problems is to face them head-on"Courage
"I have zero interest in anything that doesn't involve donuts or beer"
"I would do anything for my family"Family
"Yesterday's dreams can become today's reality"Dreams
"I don't have a gambling problem. I have a solution that requires gambling"Humor
"You gotta do what makes you happy"Happiness
"These pretzels are making me thirsty"Humor
"I'm not dumb. I'm unemployed"Humor
"The greatest riches are in your heart"Wisdom
"Never try. Trying is the first step towards failure"Humor
"I would never do anything to hurt my family"Family
"The world doesn't owe you anything"Truth
"I love my family with all my heart"Love
"When all else fails, there's always beer"Humor