Homer Simpson

"I just realized that I haven't been to the gym in like a year. They probably have no idea who I am."

"Is it in yet?"

"I face my problems and I always win. Except for weight, but that's just a number."

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

"If I don't write it down, it never happened."

"I want to go back in time and be a pioneer."

"If I ever try to go sleepwalking off a cliff, please stop me."

"My throat feels like I've been eating cubed glass."

"Kill me, or I'll go on living."

"Just give me the biggest steak you have and don't skimp on the gristle."

"I think we need a way to teach people a lesson. A violent way."

"D'oh! The whole world's against me."

"This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"I promise to be a better father and a better husband and a better Christian."

"D'oh!"

"Why you little!"

"Mmm... donuts"

"I'm gonna miss you, man"

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"

"Woo-hoo!"

"I'm not a bad guy, I'm just a guy"

"You don't have to be smart to be successful"

"Life is just a bunch of stuff that happens"

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish things would suck out already"

"Sometimes the smartest thing to do is nothing"

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at golf"

"Trying is the first step toward failure"

"You know, Marge, you're the only woman who's ever loved me"

"If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing"

"Marge, I've never felt this close to you"