Homer Simpson

"I think we can all agree that the key to a successful marriage is honesty, and if that fails, just lying."

"To start, press any key. Where's the any key?"

"I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?"

"That's it! You all have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"The waiting is the hardest part."

"It's not a lie if you believe it."

"Love is a many-splendored thing, Hope is a thing with feathers, but Sex is like a big funny game."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try."

"I don't like being outdoors, Lenny. Too many fat people in shorts."

"I'm like a white knight riding through the suburbs, dispensing justice evenly."

"Remember, you can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

"Leadership. It's not about being in front. It's about being the back that pushes."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how much he sucks?"

"Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out."

"I was a hero to the people."

"Change is the enemy, friend. And I oppose it with all my might."

"They call it a Royale with Cheese."

"The liver is evil and must be punished."

"My family is falling apart!"

"Beer. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

"I can't even say the word 'titmouse' without giggling."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"I love the smell of the boiling crab in the morning."

"I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there isn't. It's just me."

"Get a job, Stan. Oh wait, you're a kid. What an apt student of the humanities you are."

"Tell them I went down swinging."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"Is there a word for when you're not a little bit disappointed?"