"I can't believe it. Reading and writing, I haven't done either since second grade."
Education
"The whole reason we eat is so we don't die. And now that we're not gonna die, we don't have to eat."
Science
"Mmm... art."
Art
"I'm finally going to build that lemonade stand, and with my brains and muscle, I'll be an instant success."
Success
"This is the greatest adventure of our lives! Wait, this isn't an adventure. We're just going to work."
Adventure
"Marge, we're all doomed! Even if we survive the next couple of seconds, you'll be dead in a hundred years."
Death
"If kids are so innocent, why do they taste so good?"
Humor
"I love my TV more than I love my family."
Technology
"It's funny 'cause he's fat."
Humor
"You know what they put on French fries in Holland instead of ketchup? Mayonnaise."
"Stupid sexy Flanders!"
Humor
"I'm a baby! I don't know anything. I just need love."
Gratitude
"Woo-hoo! A perfect day."
Happiness
"I can't, I'm going through my wallet to look for pictures of my family to remind me to kill myself."
Humor
"Lenny, I got to tell you something. Marge and I, we're in love. And that's what matters."
Love
"I'm not a baby! I'm a big boy now. I have the strength of a man."
Strength
"Flanders is the only one who understands me."
Friendship
"Could you describe the rattle you're hearing? Is it more of a 'ping' or a 'ding'?"
Wisdom
"Now that I'm married, I understand the big secrets: Marge comes first, then the TV remote."
Relationships
"I could help other people, but why should I? They never helped me."
Kindness
"I, for one, believe that there's a Big Giant Head in the sky keeping tabs on us."
Faith
"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!"
Humor
"Homey don't play no stringed instruments."
Music
"I'm not always the best person to give advice, but life is weird."
Wisdom
"I'm going to see my baby!"
Love
"This beautiful thing I have is called a memory. Kids are nothing but memories waiting to happen."
Time
"Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."
Humor
"I would like the biggest, strongest, most dangerous animal there ever was."
Imagination
"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."
Humor
"I want to be like the riders of the pony express. I want to deliver!."
Motivation