Itchy and Scratchy

"Art is the perfect medium for expressing slapstick."

"Science is the study of what happens when you mix explosives."

"Music to my ears is the sound of a frying pan striking flesh."

"Faith keeps you going when being pursued relentlessly."

"A leader is someone who leads you into trouble first."

"Work hard at avoiding work by running faster."

"Dream big—like dreaming of the perfect trap."

"Humor is best served with a side of slapstick."

"Beauty fades, but scars are forever."

"Death? I've died a thousand times and lived to tell about it."

"Perseverance means getting back up for more abuse."

"I'm grateful for every second I'm not being pummeled."

"Creativity flourishes when you're making up escape routes."

"Justice is served hot and fresh, like boiling water."

"Patience is waiting for the perfect moment to strike."

"Kindness is a weakness—show no mercy!"

"Strength comes from the will to keep fighting."

"Fear is the best motivator for running faster."

"Power corrupts, but having the upper hand feels great."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy anvils."

"Health is staying one step ahead of danger."

"Adventure is just another word for being chased by a lunatic."

"Imagination is the only limit to how creative you can be with a hammer."

"Technology: now we can hurt each other more efficiently!"

"History repeats itself—usually with the same victims."

"Philosophy teaches us that pain is just an illusion... a very real one."

"Literature is incomplete without a good chase scene."

"Politics means choosing which side gets hit the hardest."

"War is my natural state of being."

"Motivation? Try survival instinct."