Itchy and Scratchy

"Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder—right before you poke it."

"Death is just another Tuesday for me."

"Never give up, even when flattened by a steamroller."

"Be grateful for the moments when nobody's hitting you."

"Creative destruction is the best kind of creativity."

"Justice is served best when it's cold and delivered with violence."

"Good things come to those who wait—then pounce."

"Kill them with kindness, or just kill them."

"A strong will can overcome any obstacle, or circumvent it violently."

"Fear is the most honest emotion."

"Power is the ability to make others fear you."

"Money isn't everything, but a sharp knife is."

"Health is wealth when you're still breathing."

"Adventure awaits those brave enough to leave the house."

"Your imagination is the only limit to chaos you can create."

"Technology makes hurting each other easier every day."

"History shows us that violence never goes out of style."

"The only philosophy that matters is survival."

"Every good story involves getting bonked on the head."

"Politics is just polite violence with a suit on."

"War is peace, and I am the peacemaker."

"Why chase the mouse when you can just use dynamite?"

"Life is a cartoon - might as well make it explosive."

"Love is just another word for elaborate trap-setting."

"The only wisdom you need is knowing where to place the TNT."

"Happiness is a well-timed anvil drop."

"Success requires commitment, persistence, and a good mallet."

"Friendship means never having to say 'I'm sorry' before you hit them."

"Family sticks together, especially when covered in tar."

"Hope springs eternal, unlike my victims."