Kent Brockman

"The future is uncertain, but my career is not."

"I've learned that in news, as in life, it's not about what you know, it's about who knows you."

"The news never sleeps, and neither do I. I just nap strategically."

"My credibility is unquestionable, my hair is immaculate, my future is assured."

"I'm Kent Brockman, and I'll be honest with you - that's what I do."

"As a news anchor, I've learned that the truth is whatever people believe it to be."

"Live long and prosper... wait, wrong network."

"In this crazy world, a man's hair is his greatest asset."

"I didn't become a trusted news source by questioning authority."

"Love is a many-splendored thing, but it's no match for a good haircut."

"Success in broadcasting requires commitment, talent, and really good dental work."

"The American people deserve to know what I think they should know."

"I've been in this business long enough to know: never let facts get in the way of a good story."

"A newsman must remain objective, which is why I only report on things I agree with."

"Time waits for no man, but it does wait for commercial breaks."

"The key to happiness is having the right tie for every occasion."

"I've covered every major event in Springfield, mostly inaccurately."

"Marriage is beautiful - I've done it several times."

"In my experience, the truth is malleable and ratings are eternal."

"I credit my success to my good looks and complete lack of integrity."

"Education is important, but have you seen my jawline?"

"Nothing says 'professional journalism' like reading the news off a teleprompter."

"I live by one simple rule: if it sells newspapers, it's newsworthy."

"The pursuit of truth is noble, but the pursuit of higher ratings is nobler."

"I once dated the mayor. It was purely objective journalism."

"A man's word is his bond, unless he's on camera."

"I've learned that in the news business, showing up and looking good is 90% of the job."

"Change is good, especially when it comes with better sponsor deals."

"The only thing more important than the news is how I look delivering it."

"I believe in freedom of the press - my press."