Mort Goldman

"Faith is believing in something without any proof whatsoever."

"A good leader is someone people want to follow, or are forced to."

"Work is what you do to avoid thinking about your life."

"Dreams are what you have when you're asleep and can't help yourself."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, especially when he's had a few drinks."

"Death is nature's way of saying hello to the other side."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with a better PR agent."

"Gratitude is thanking someone for something you probably didn't deserve anyway."

"Creativity is messing something up and calling it art."

"Justice is what you get when you can afford a good lawyer."

"Patience is a virtue I ain't got time for."

"Kindness is doing something nice without expecting anything in return, which is stupid."

"Strength is the ability to lift heavy things and not complain about your back."

"Fear is just God's way of keeping us humble and stupid."

"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely... but it's still pretty fun."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy comfort, which is close enough."

"Health is a state of mind, or at least that's what I tell myself."

"Adventure is just another word for getting lost on purpose."

"Imagination is what separates us from the animals... and the sober."

"Technology is great until it doesn't work, then it's just an expensive paperweight."

"History repeats itself because nobody was listening the first time."

"Philosophy is just thinking about stuff with a fancy name for it."

"Literature is what smart people read to feel better about themselves."

"Politics is the art of lying convincingly."

"War is hell, but at least you know where you stand."

"Motivation is what gets you out of bed, usually the need to use the bathroom."

"Inspiration is just copying someone else's good idea."

"Relationships are like gardens - you gotta tend to 'em or they die."

"Solitude is being alone, which is great until you realize you're alone."

"I've learned that people can survive almost anything as long as they have hope."