Patty and Selma Bouvier

"Fear is the only honest emotion."

"Power is something other people have."

"Perseverance is stubbornness with a better name."

"We're grateful for what we complain about the least."

"Being creative means making new mistakes."

"Justice usually favors whoever complains loudest."

"Death is the only escape from a DMV job."

"We've been sisters for decades and still don't understand each other."

"We're not getting any younger, and neither are our eggs."

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle... or is it?"

"Marge, your sister married a loser. We married twins."

"Eesh, look at the size of that thing. Must be compensating for something."

"We've been to hell and back, and hell was nicer."

"Life's too short to waste on people who don't appreciate us."

"Our lives are like a bad sitcom - nobody's laughing."

"We should've married richer men. Lesson learned for next time."

"True friendship means never having to say you're sorry... except to us."

"Beauty fades, but our bitterness is forever."

"We didn't choose this life, this life chose us. Poorly."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure helps you forget about it."

"sisterhood is powerful, especially when complaining together."

"Hope is for people with better lives than ours."

"We've earned the right to be cynical through years of disappointment."

"Love is just a temporary distraction from loneliness."

"Success is relative - we're relatively unsuccessful."

"Life is like a box of chocolates, except ours are stale."

"The best revenge is looking good while being miserable."

"We're not bitter, we're just well-seasoned by experience."

"True courage is showing up to work every day with a smile."

"Change is the only constant, and we hate change."