Ron Swanson

"Money is useless without something to spend it on."

"I appreciate a well-made bed more than I appreciate most people."

"Success is measured by how few meetings you have to attend."

"Any tool worth using is worth using correctly and safely."

"I have no use for technology that distracts from eating meat and drinking whiskey."

"Breakfast foods are a sacred thing. I do not joke about them."

"Any complaint about a problem without a solution is just whining."

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

"I'm interested in three things: woodworking, whiskey, and not talking to people."

"The key to a great city is a great bureaucracy."

"I don't want to hear about the outside world. I want to stay here and think about how nothing is more important than the work I do."

"Money is useless if you don't know how to spend it."

"Hunting, fishing, and gathering are the holy trinity of life."

"A man should be able to build something, grow something, or create something."

"The government should not be in the business of fixing problems."

"I have ignored expert advice on food for decades and look at me."

"That's the sweetest sentence I've heard in thirty years."

"I would never do anything outside my core competencies."

"Parks and recreation are not a municipal priority."

"One with nature doesn't mean communing with it; it means existing as nature intended."

"I have composed a great many songs, all of them about food."

"When I was a boy, breakfast was a meat between two slices of meat."

"I don't believe in recycling. Efficiency creates waste."

"Government employees work hard and play hard, rarely"

"Give me the most beautiful bird you can find."

"I am a supporter of local businesses unless they are terrible."

"I built that desk myself. Many years ago. I don't remember how."

"I have made a decision that I'm proud of."

"Pawnee is the Paris of the Midwest."

"I enjoy the beauty of a woman in the same way I enjoy a beautiful sunset."