Ron Swanson

"Never trust a man who doesn't have calluses on his hands."

"Loud noises are barbaric."

"I do not support women, children, or flowers."

"Save money. Earn money. Invest money."

"I'm a man who believes in the citizens and the Constitution."

"The government shouldn't tell you who to sleep with."

"Recusal: when someone is smart enough to know they shouldn't be involved."

"I am a simple man. I like lumber, and furniture, and the way a room looks when it has a lot of wood in it."

"I would like to formally propose that we rename the Parks Department to the Department of Doing Whatever the Hell I Want."

"If I want goofy food, I eat goofy food."

"I enjoy eating breakfast alone in a moody, overlit hotel room."

"Libertarians are Americans too, and we deserve respect."

"Entertainment is a vice and should be eliminated."

"I'm happy to sacrifice some personal freedoms if it leads to greater security for everyone."

"You've got to take care of your knees, your back, and your core."

"Make your own lunch. Eating out is for people without dreams."

"Crying is only acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

"I have the same relationship with my wife as I have with my country."

"Fish and plankton, sea-birds and sea-plants, all must die, eventually."

"Respect the people you work with and work hard."

"I'm not interested in education. I prefer learning by doing."

"A source of endless confusion for me is why women are allowed to be in the workforce."

"Government workers get better health insurance than private sector workers."

"Everything I need is in this wooden desk."

"I'm a one-woman man and I always have been."

"Smiling is the best way to fake happiness."

"Build your own furniture. It teaches you respect for craftsmanship."

"I've never cared what anyone thinks of me."

"Revenge is a dish best served cold, with mashed potatoes."

"A person who buys a chair without sitting in it first is a fool."