Ron Swanson

"My father turned into a log and got sawed."

"I would rather have a blood oath than a handshake. These are agreements you keep."

"The most dangerous phrase in the English language is 'someone should do something.'"

"I love nothing more than sitting by myself in the darkness."

"I have a drinking problem, but I don't like to think of it that way."

"America: the only country that matters."

"I have opinions and I've made them very clear."

"The only thing worse than dying is living."

"If you want nothing, you will have everything."

"I respect any man who can look me in the eye and lie to me."

"I like to keep my emotions locked away where they belong."

"A woman is only as good as her last paycheck."

"I would rather lose my legs than lose my woodworking tools."

"Time is the only currency that matters."

"I don't believe in following laws. Laws are for sheep."

"A man should never trust a bartender who doesn't drink."

"I'm the most private person in the world, yet somehow everyone knows about my affairs."

"Democracy doesn't work because people are dumb."

"If I had to rank my favorite feelings, it would be hatred and apathy."

"I hate most people, but I can barely tolerate myself."

"Food is fuel. But when I eat steak, it becomes a life experience."

"Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, he'll bother you less."

"Ambition is the most dangerous trait a person can have."

"I want nothing to do with anybody."

"Trust me, I know nothing about loyalty."

"The government should do nothing. Especially nothing for me."

"I have made it my life's work to avoid people."

"A real man can make a fire with two sticks."

"I believe in being prepared. That's why I have thirty-seven guns."

"The only thing better than free breakfast is free breakfast that tastes good."