Ron Swanson

"I'm an open book. A book that's not about me, for me, or around me."

"You can eat every meal every day for the rest of your life."

"Respect is a man's greatest commodity, followed closely by bacon."

"I have no political affiliation. I'm a registered Libertarian."

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

"Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are useless."

"Breakfast foods are sacred. Treat them with respect."

"The less I know about other people's affairs, the better I sleep at night."

"Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

"When I eat, it is the food that is scared."

"I'm not interested in caring about people."

"There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Ron Swanson way."

"I'm a simple man with simple tastes. I like lumber, and the smell of rich mahogany."

"Government should do less."

"Hunting and fishing subjects people to go outside, where they belong."

"I work hard to build something that will outlast me."

"Everything you need is in this room: whiskey, cigars, and a beautiful desk."

"I've been married three times. I don't believe in divorce. If you marry someone, you stay married."

"The Parks Department is a sinkhole of despair and bureaucracy."

"I don't want to be on your council. I want to watch you fail."

"Wood. The best material for everything."

"Skim milk is just water lying about being milk."

"I respect any man who can provide for his family."

"Time moves forward, not backward."

"Waffles are the best breakfast food because they can be customized completely."

"I will come back to haunt you and slit your throat in the dark of the night."

"Treat your body like a temple, not a Taco Bell."

"The government wastes your money. I want to return it by not spending it."

"I've been blessed with an abundance of patience."

"Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets."