30 Rock

"Money isn't everything, but it's in the top five."

"Power is the ability to make other people do what you want."

"Fear is just excitement without the marketing."

"Strength isn't about muscles, it's about not caring what people think."

"Kindness is nice, but not if it cuts into your profit margin."

"Patience is for people who don't know what they want yet."

"Justice is whatever conclusion hurts my competition."

"Creativity is just connecting dots while pretending it's original."

"Gratitude gets you nowhere, but thankfully, I'm already here."

"Perseverance is just being too stubborn to quit."

"Death is nature's way of saying 'you're done here.'"

"Beauty fades, but stupidity is forever."

"Humor is the only appropriate response to most situations."

"Dreams are what you have when you're not paying attention in meetings."

"Work expands to fill the time available to avoid going home."

"Leadership is just yelling louder than everyone else."

"Faith is believing what evidence clearly disproves."

"Music is noise that someone decided was pleasant."

"Science is just organized guessing with evidence."

"Art is whatever someone convinced a gallery to hang on a wall."

"Nature is beautiful from about 100 yards away."

"Peace is just boredom without the honesty."

"Freedom is another word for making your own mistakes."

"The truth is overrated. A good lie is always more interesting."

"Time management is just figuring out what to procrastinate on first."

"Knowledge is power, but knowing when to keep your mouth shut is wisdom."

"Education gets you a diploma and debt. What a combo."

"Change is inevitable, so you might as well complain about it."

"Courage is doing something dumb and calling it brave."

"Hope is just denial in a better outfit."