30 Rock

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and the beholder is usually drunk."

"Humor is the best medicine, unless you actually have a disease."

"Dreams are just reality with better special effects."

"Work is what you do to avoid thinking about your life."

"A good leader knows when to take charge and when to blame someone else."

"Faith is believing in something you can't see, like your chances of success."

"Music is the universal language, which is why I don't understand most music."

"Science proves that I'm right about everything."

"Art is subjective, which is why most of it is garbage."

"Nature is beautiful until you have to be in it for more than five minutes."

"Peace is overrated. A little chaos keeps you sharp."

"Freedom is just another word for not having a wife."

"The truth hurts, which is why I prefer a nice, comfortable lie."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're not."

"Knowledge is power, but power is money, so really it's all about the money."

"Education is important, but it's not as important as knowing the right people."

"Change is inevitable, like gaining weight and losing your hair."

"Courage is what you need when you realize you've made a terrible mistake."

"Hope is just fear with a better PR agent."

"Family is like a box of chocolates that yells at you."

"A real friend tells you when you've got something in your teeth."

"Success is 99% showing up and 1% not being completely insane."

"The key to happiness is to lower your expectations and blame everyone else."

"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably crap."

"Sometimes you just gotta let people make their own mistakes, even if you know they're gonna crash and burn."

"I'm not a stupid man. I'm a very smart man who does stupid things."

"Love is the only thing worth the risk."

"Inspiration arrives when you're ready for it."

"Motivation is temporary - discipline is permanent."

"War is what happens when conversation fails."