30 Rock

"Power is knowing what people want and making them pay for it."

"Fear is just adrenaline's way of keeping you alive when you're stupid."

"Strength is the ability to admit weakness and still look powerful."

"Kindness to others is just insurance against your own bad day."

"Patience is a virtue, which means most people don't have it."

"Justice served is better than justice delayed, unless it's not your case."

"Creativity is breaking rules that nobody knew existed."

"Gratitude is acknowledging that someone did something less terrible than usual."

"Perseverance is just refusing to accept defeat until you're too tired."

"Death might be good. At least you don't have to go to meetings."

"Beauty fades, but stupidity is forever."

"Humor is sadness with a good punchline."

"The only dream that comes true is the nightmare of waking up."

"Leadership is 10% vision and 90% pretending to know what you're doing."

"Faith is what carries you through when everything else fails. So it fails a lot."

"Music would be perfect if it didn't involve people singing."

"Science keeps proving that everything we like is bad for us."

"Modern art is what you get when someone runs out of actual talent."

"Going out in nature just means bugs will eat you in a prettier setting."

"Peace is overrated. Conflict keeps you sharp."

"Freedom is just slavery to your own bad choices."

"Truth is what you can convince enough people to believe."

"Time management is just another way of lying about your priorities."

"The more you know, the more you realize how little you know. It's depressing."

"Education is what you get from books; the rest comes from life punching you."

"True courage is doing what you're afraid of while looking confident."

"Hope springs eternal, which is why dentists stay in business."

"Family is the only group that has to like you no matter what."

"Real friendship means never having to say you're sorry. Just blame them."

"Happy people are just those with good self-deception skills."