30 Rock

"Humor is the best way to deflect from your actual problems."

"Dreams are just goals with bad planning."

"Work is what you do when you don't have the courage to ask for money."

"A true leader knows when to take credit and when to blame someone else."

"Faith is believing in things you can't see or prove. I prefer spreadsheets."

"Music is the universal language. Unfortunately, most people are tone-deaf."

"Science explains everything except why people are the way they are."

"Art is subjective, which is why most of it is terrible."

"Nature is beautiful until you have to deal with it outdoors."

"Peace is just a word people use when they're too tired to fight."

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. And unemployment."

"The truth is overrated. A good story beats the truth every time."

"Time is money. Money is power. Therefore, time is power. Math works."

"Knowledge is power, but power is also power. So knowledge is just okay."

"Education is the most powerful weapon. I prefer actual weapons."

"Every ending is just a beginning in different clothes."

"Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's fear with a good PR team."

"Hope is the thing that keeps you going even when logic says stop."

"Family: the people you're stuck with whether you like it or not."

"Friendship is just another word for people you tolerate regularly."

"I've made mistakes, but they were profitable mistakes."

"Change is inevitable. Resistance is futile. And also annoying."

"The secret to happiness is low expectations and decent bourbon."

"Work hard, stay late, and pretend to care about things you don't."

"Trust is like a mirror. Once it's broken, you can see the cracks in everything."

"I've learned that the best way to deal with a problem is to avoid it entirely."

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you complain about it."

"You can't manage what you don't understand, and you can't understand what you don't listen to."

"Success isn't about climbing the ladder, it's about making sure the ladder is leaning against the right wall."

"I'm not a numbers guy, I'm a people guy. Well, actually I'm neither. I'm a guy guy."