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"Work hard, or work smart. I recommend just being born rich."

"A leader is someone people follow, preferably to their wallet."

"Faith without works is dead, works without payment is also dead."

"Music to my ears is the sound of stock tickers."

"Science is wonderful until it interferes with my afternoon."

"Art is an investment like any other, except it looks nice on your wall."

"Nature's beauty can't compete with designer interiors."

"Inner peace comes from external wealth."

"Freedom of choice is great, except I've already made all the right choices."

"Truth is subjective, especially in a deposition."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and I have all the fun money can buy."

"Education teaches you what to think, money teaches you how to live."

"The only thing better than being right is being rich and right."

"Patience is for people waiting for something. I'm just waiting for my next martini."

"Hope is what poor people have, I have bank statements."

"Success is a ladder, and I'm not letting anyone climb it."

"Friendship is a two-way street, unless I'm the only one with money."

"Love is grand, but a good real estate portfolio is better."

"The secret to life is knowing when to hold them and knowing when to fold them."

"I'm not old, I'm just retro."

"Solitude is underrated when you're on a yacht."

"Relationships require trust, which I have none of."

"Inspiration is a word people use when they don't want to admit it's money."

"Motivation comes from either fear or greed, I prefer the latter."

"War is never the answer, especially when you could bribe your way out."

"Politics is the art of getting what you want without paying for it yourself."

"Literature is something people pretend to like."

"Philosophy is nice for people who can't afford TV."

"History is boring unless you're in it."

"Technology changes so fast, I just let my assistant handle it."