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"Imagination is a young person's game, and I'm neither young nor interested."

"Adventure is great for young people with nothing to lose."

"Health is wealth, but wealth is more fun."

"Money isn't everything, but it's a solid second."

"Power is the ability to make others do what you want without asking."

"Fear is just opportunity wearing uncomfortable clothing."

"Strength comes from lifting heavy things, like briefcases full of money."

"Kindness is great, unless someone doesn't deserve it."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have time for."

"Justice is blind, which is lucky for most of us."

"Creativity is for people without money."

"Gratitude is nice, but I'd rather have cash."

"Perseverance is key, unless there's an easier way."

"Death is just something that happens to other people."

"Beauty fades, but money lasts forever... or at least my money."

"Humor is my defense mechanism against aging."

"Dreams are wonderful, especially when they involve money."

"Work is a four-letter word... wait, no it's not. But it should be."

"Faith is important, as long as it's in myself."

"Music is the soundtrack to my life, and I have an excellent soundtrack."

"Science is fascinating, as long as it doesn't interfere with my lifestyle."

"Art is whatever I say is art, preferably something I own."

"Nature is beautiful, but have you seen my golf course?"

"Peace comes to those who can afford private security."

"Freedom is just another word for doing whatever you want without consequences."

"The truth is what I say it is, especially in court."

"Time is money, and I have plenty of both... well, one of them anyway."

"Courage is easy when you have nothing to lose but your dignity, which I lost long ago."

"Education is important, unless you have a trust fund."

"Family is what you make it, preferably with money."