Family Guy

"Imagination is what separates humans from animals... and reality."

"Adventure is just a fancy word for getting lost."

"Health is a state of mind, and my mind says I'm dying."

"Money won't make you happy, but neither will being broke."

"Power corrupts, but lack of power is incredibly frustrating."

"Fear is just your body's way of keeping you alive... or paranoid."

"Strength is getting back up after you've been knocked down several times."

"Kindness is doing nice things for people, usually for ulterior motives."

"Patience is a virtue I've never quite mastered."

"Justice is whatever benefits me at that particular moment."

"Creativity is just rearranging things you've already stolen."

"Gratitude is appreciating what you have before you lose it."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better PR."

"Death is the only certainty in life, besides disappointment."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it usually fades."

"Humor is how we cope with the fact that everything is terrible."

"Dreams are just lies your brain tells you while you sleep."

"Work is just something we do to avoid thinking about our problems."

"Leadership is telling people what to do and hoping they listen."

"Faith is believing in something without evidence... kind of like my medical degree."

"Music is the universal language of people who don't want to talk."

"Science explains everything except why I keep making the same mistakes."

"Art is subjective, kind of like my medical opinions."

"Nature is beautiful until you have to spend a day in it."

"Peace is just the moment before someone ruins it."

"Freedom means the ability to make your own mistakes."

"The truth hurts, especially when you've been lying to yourself."

"Time flies when you're having fun, but crawls when you're waiting for your test results."

"Knowledge is power, but also depression when you know too much."

"Education is important, though it didn't help me much."