Family Guy

"Nature doesn't care about your feelings or your allergies."

"Inner peace comes from accepting that everything is out of control."

"Freedom is overrated; responsibility is even worse."

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."

"Time is money, and I'm bankrupt on both."

"The more you know, the more you realize you don't know anything."

"Learning never stops, unfortunately."

"Change is the only constant, except for my inability to change."

"Courage is being scared but doing it anyway... or just being oblivious."

"Freedom requires responsibility, which is why I avoid both."

"Truth is often stranger than fiction, and way less fun."

"Peace of mind costs extra."

"Happiness is fleeting, like my attention span."

"Failure is just success that hasn't been processed yet."

"Success is relative, especially when you compare yourself to people doing worse."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best is now... probably never."

"Wisdom comes from experience, usually painful experience."

"Children are a blessing... and an expensive one at that."

"Marriage is two people united in their ability to disappoint each other."

"Love is grand until someone forgets to take out the garbage."

"Solitude is nice until you realize you're alone with your thoughts."

"Relationships are like plants—they die if you don't water them, or even if you do."

"Inspiration strikes when you need it least."

"Motivation is temporary, but obligation is forever."

"War is hell, and so is peace apparently."

"Politics is the art of getting people to vote against their own interests."

"Literature helps us understand the human condition through fiction."

"Philosophy is just sophisticated complaining about existence."

"History repeats itself because nobody listens the first time."

"Technology makes life easier, unless it's your doctor's computer."