Family Guy

"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is."

"When life gives you lemons, I say 'Why me?' and I cry."

"I have no idea what you just said, but I agree completely."

"All I know is football should not be called football. You throw it with your hands."

"You know what? I'm gonna start my own business. How hard can it be?"

"I'm not gay, but I'm willing to learn."

"This is the best day of my life. And I met my wife in a drunken stupor."

"I'm drunk, I'm in love, and I'm gonna do something stupid."

"Sometimes you gotta do what your heart tells you, even if it's stupid."

"Hehehehe, that was great."

"I've never been to prison. I've never been in the military. That's about it."

"You gotta have faith in yourself, or nobody else will."

"Life's too short to worry about the little things."

"Sweet lion of Damascus!"

"That's funny, I don't remember this part of Sesame Street."

"I find the most erotic thing in the world is the crotch. Of the opposite sex."

"You know, I got a lot of problems. But nobody ever talks about them."

"Is that a Jew?"

"I'm Peter Griffin. You might remember me from such places as my house."

"Woop-de-doo!"

"Victory is mine!"

"You know what really grinds my gears? People who... oh, I'll think of something."

"That's the most brilliant idea I've heard... since last week when you said we should eat that entire cake."

"I got a great idea. What if we don't do anything?"

"Lois, Lois! Remember when I said that thing?"

"Holy crap!"

"Dear God, it's me, Peter. Can I have some money?"

"I'm gonna go do some stuff."

"Why is there a dead Asian guy in our living room?"

"Giggity!"