Family Guy

"Technology is wonderful when you're the one controlling it."

"Adventures are for people without a proper plan."

"Health is temporary. Evil is eternal."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy explosives. Which is better."

"Peace is my power play. While others relax, I plot."

"The only kindness I show is to myself."

"Justice is whatever I decide it is."

"Gratitude is a waste of emotional energy."

"My perseverance in evil is unmatched."

"Work is just another word for 'moving one step closer to victory.'"

"A leader leads from the front. A dictator hides and controls from the shadows."

"Faith in myself? I have that in spades. Faith in you? Never."

"Art and science combined makes beautiful destruction."

"Nature is peaceful until you weaponize it."

"Freedom is just another word for 'no consequences.'"

"The best time to plant a bomb is now. The second best is yesterday."

"Love makes you weak. Hatred makes you strong."

"My IQ is so high, I can't even find pants that fit my brain."

"Friendship is just another word for 'person I haven't turned against yet.'"

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"I have a ridiculously long list of people to destroy. Lois is at the top."

"Lois doesn't understand my vision. Nobody does. They're all peasants."

"Life's too short to waste on boring people. Like my family."

"The sweetest victory is the one nobody sees coming."

"Patience is a virtue I practice just before I lose it."

"Every moment is an opportunity for mischief."

"The secret to happiness is accepting you'll never be truly happy."

"Real men don't show emotion. They show explosions."

"Honesty is the worst policy. Deception works much better."

"The greatest trick is making people think they're in control."