Family Guy

"Time waits for no one, but I will make it wait for me."

"The only knowledge worth having is about world domination."

"Education is wasted on people who don't appreciate evil."

"Change happens whether you want it or not. Usually, you won't."

"Courage is easy when you have nothing to lose but your diapers."

"My family drives me insane, but they're *my* insanity."

"Friendship is a four-letter word I refuse to say."

"Success isn't a destination; it's crushing everyone along the way."

"The greatest love story is me loving myself."

"You call it arrogance; I call it accurate self-assessment."

"Mortality is just a minor inconvenience in my plans."

"I find you people absolutely fascinating in your stupidity."

"My life motto: Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil."

"The only education that matters is learning how to dominate."

"Health is overrated. Spite keeps you alive."

"War is chess, and I always win."

"Politics is just evil with a suit and tie."

"Literature is the only medium worthy of my brilliance."

"Nature is just the Earth's way of proving I should destroy it."

"Hope is for the hopeless. I have no such limitations."

"Change is inevitable, but control is optional. I choose control."

"Fear is what keeps people obedient. Fear is my friend."

"Strength comes from knowing you're better than everyone else."

"Kindness is a sign of weakness I cannot afford."

"Justice? That's rich coming from a talking baby."

"Creativity without malice is just arts and crafts."

"Gratitude is the worst feeling ever invented."

"Perseverance is key, unless you can just cheat and win."

"Solitude is where genius happens. Everyone else ruins it."

"Relationships are just chains that hold you back."